Research on Affairs: The Cheaters do not Plan to Leave

by Relationship Coach Rinatta

in Affair Research,Help for the Other Person,Stop the Affair

Dr. June Reinisch, Director Emeritus & Senior Research Fellow of the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender & Reproduction, discusses the following interesting research-based facts about affairs in her youtube video Myth: Most Married People Are Unfaithful:

  • Average affair lasts 1 year
  • Men report liking their wife better than mistresses – husbands are not attached emotionally to their outside partners the way they are to their wife.
  • Women report liking lovers better than husbands – women seem to be much more emotionally attached to their outside partners
  • Only 17% of men plan to leave their marriage while having an affair, and only 9% said they plan to leave their marriage for their affair partner and marry her.
  • Even smaller number of women, 10% plan to leave the marriage while in or because of an affair and an even smaller number plan to marry their affair partner.
  • Extramarital affair does not seem to mean that the person is getting ready to leave his or her marriage.
  • Infidelity is not #1 reason for divorce, which means many marriage either keep going with an affair, or recover from an affair and stay intact.

If you are the “other” person in the affair, this research is one more reason to start letting go – because your love triangle relationship is unlikely to turn into a full-blown dyad. Take a look at resources for letting go.

If you are the person being cheated on, good news, you have much more power to keep your partner than you think. You need to know how to use that power.

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

1 joyce land August 24, 2011

Hi, I am the other woman in this triangle. Yes, it is very hard even tho I do know he loves me and that hes in love with me. He shows me in many many ways. we see each other every day and he text me every two hours day and night. The reason hes there and not here with me is because of medical reasons. And we both agree hes to stay there . His wife has lung cancer. They havent loved each other for a very very long time. B ut I know that since shes been told only a very short time is left, he would not be able to live with hisself nor would I if he left and a few days after she would pass. I wouldnt want him too leave me in that condition. Yes, I do know shes that ill. But it still does hurt that we cant be together completely. And sometime I feel wrong that were waiting too have a life together when shes losing her life. Everyone says Im cold hearted. Thats not true, my husband passed away from the same illness. I know what hes going thru…its hell for him as well. I wish no harm too anyone. But he is the man I love. The one after all these years. Im 63 and hes 58. so were no kids.

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