Are you in it for love or attention and focus? - Question for the “Other” Person in an Affair
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Note: This article is specifically for the “other” person in an affair. Please play nice in the comments.
Does your affair partner really love you? When you are the “other” person you question his or her love for you all the time, even if you don’t want to admit it to yourself. The reason you keeps questioning that love is because when a person really loves you they are irresistibly drawn to you and want to be with you. That is one of the reasons people live together and get married – to spend more time together.
And yet, your affair partner who is supposed to love you goes back to his marriage or relationships and spends much more time away from you than with you. No wonder you should question his or her love.
I am sure he or she feels a lot of something for you, but perhaps it is not the love that true love is made of and it certainly isn’t love that fills you up, lifts you up and improves your life, as here you are in pain, reading this, trying to cope with the affair.
So let’s for a minute say that it is not exactly the quest for love that got you into the affair. Could you possibly be more after the attention and focus you get from your affair partner? Where else in your life do you get intense attention and focus? What would happen if you got a lot of attention and focus from other people, even if it wasn’t romantic in nature?
Do ponder these questions rather than rejecting them out of hand. On the other side of that pondering could be a bit of a release from the cycle of pain and frustration that the affair is causing you.
New help for the “other” person in an affair:
How would you like to get a helping hand in working through the personal issues that keep you stuck in your affair? Imagine what’s on the other side of handling those issues – freedom, a life without pain, and love from an available wonderful partner.
Handle these issues by joining a support group on How To Cope in a Love Triangle - Help for the “Other” Man or Woman. Join this safe, non-judgmental community to stop feeling isolated and find the strength to do what you need to do. Get professional and peer support to survive and learn to thrive in spite of the affair. Join the group now.
From The Heart,
Relationship Coach Rinatta
March 6th, 2008 at 9:43 pm
I was publically humiliated and shamed for my involve
ment with a married man.I preyed on him,in great
expectations,desperately wanting,what I believed he
could offer me and my daughter,the lifestyle he and
his wife had.I now realize,this married man was having
a midlife crisis.And never intended to be with me.I
was used by him to hurt his wife,and offer him my
services,to be a garbage can.
What I believed to be in the beginning,ended up as a
nasty backlash,leaving me dumped and alone,to deal
with all what I coherced and manipulated,and trusted
securing for myself,a life I for sure would have,and
all the envy I had for his wife,would be mine.
I put alot of time and worked hard for this.
I even played the nonchalant game.Making it easy for
him,to have me around.I knew enough about his wife
to twist the truth,and in the beginning it was easy.
But eventually he started to stand up for her,and what
was suppose to take place,didnt.
I knew he was continually going to see his wife,and
even was told,she was having unprotected anal sex with
him,and he used condoms with me.And mostly wanted
oral from me.I at first didnt care,I thought things
would change,I really believed,after his wife found
out,that for sure it would be over and after she
dumped him he would have to come running to me.
But she knew all along,and waited for things to come
to a head.Instead of kicking to the curb,she had
compassion for him,for what he was going through.
I eventually figured out,he would never end up with
any of their assests,and she held all the cards.He
was living in a rat infested trailer,and would never
be able to offer me or anyone anything more.she still
had to run their CO.and was in the position to get
everything.Even the big fancy truck he was driving
was hers.And I found out,after he dumped me.
It was never an ongoing relationship,and the year he
was apart from his wife,he went back after 7weeks,and
lived with her for 4 mths,moved into a trailer for 9
mths,just down the road from his wife and daughter.
He even took her to a big city for a week in the middle
of the 9 mths.and wanted her back,but she wouldnt let
him.I still hung on believing eventually I would win.
even though I still had to play the nonchalant easy
to be with friend,that wanted nothing,and in the end
got left,alone,being publically humilliated and shamed
having others clap and laugh at me.Even my parents
were humilliated,thinking I would be getting married
and they even started to tell people.
Why not,he was the type.Why wouldnt he give to me
eventually what he has with his wife.I would have his
family,and his kids would be mine.My kid would have
the awsome life they had.
His kids were disgusted by me,and he sided with them
right away.When his daughter asked him if he was inlove
with me,he said no,but he cared about me.
He even made me sit in the back seat,on the one outing
we had with her.He treated me like garbage,and it only
took 2wks,to end after it was out in the open.
the only thing his wife said to him after she found out
was “go all the way”.And she laughed.I wasnt what he
would ever be proud of.And he used me,cause I was
easy to have around.I was finally dealt a harsh blow
that I wasnt able to ever handle.He even told me to my
face a yr later how much he loved his wife,and without
any thought of me.
He never was going to love me,and it was only time
that I would be dumped off as the garbage can and the
dollar store who who.I had lost any control in the
situation after,he was released from my evil web.I
was given back everything I put out and 7x worse.All
the lies I told him about his wife surfaced and came
back to me.