Dr. June of Kinsley Institute in her Myth: Most Married People Are Unfaithful youtube video mentioned that in her institute’s research conducted on midwestern college students, those who rated theri self-esteem as high were less likely to engage in extra-relationship sex.

I am extrapolating here, but I would say your partner is more likely to stay faighful to you if his or her self-esteem is high. Do you know how your partner feels about him or herself? You may want to find out.


Dr. June Reinisch, Director Emeritus & Senior Research Fellow of the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender & Reproduction, discusses the following interesting research-based facts about affairs in her youtube video Myth: Most Married People Are Unfaithful:

  • Average affair lasts 1 year
  • Men report liking their wife better than mistresses – husbands are not attached emotionally to their outside partners the way they are to their wife.
  • Women report liking lovers better than husbands – women seem to be much more emotionally attached to their outside partners
  • Only 17% of men plan to leave their marriage while having an affair, and only 9% said they plan to leave their marriage for their affair partner and marry her.
  • Even smaller number of women, 10% plan to leave the marriage while in or because of an affair and an even smaller number plan to marry their affair partner.
  • Extramarital affair does not seem to mean that the person is getting ready to leave his or her marriage.
  • Infidelity is not #1 reason for divorce, which means many marriage either keep going with an affair, or recover from an affair and stay intact.

If you are the “other” person in the affair, this research is one more reason to start letting go – because your love triangle relationship is unlikely to turn into a full-blown dyad. Take a look at resources for letting go.

If you are the person being cheated on, good news, you have much more power to keep your partner than you think. You need to know how to use that power.

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Note: This article is specifically for the “other” person in an affair. Please play nice in the comments.

Does your affair partner really love you? When you are the “other” person you question his or her love for you all the time, even if you don’t want to admit it to yourself. The reason you keeps questioning that love is because when a person really loves you they are irresistibly drawn to you and want to be with you. That is one of the reasons people live together and get married – to spend more time together.

And yet, your affair partner who is supposed to love you goes back to his marriage or relationships and spends much more time away from you than with you. No wonder you should question his or her love. [click to continue…]


Disclaimer: The following article is for the “other” person in an affair or a love triangle. Before I get a slew of angry email asking me how I can condone affairs, let me just say that affairs and love triangles happen. Being a coach I do not judge people but try to help them. Given that love triangles and affairs happen, the people in these situations need help and support, just like people in any other complicated relationship situation. This article does just that – it offers help and support to the people who need it.

To be in love with someone who is in a primary relationship or marriage with someone else can be the most excruciating and at the same time the most seemingly beautiful experience of your life.

The experience is excruciating because it is hard to stop or change it. It ensnares you in a situation that you may not be able to get out for a long time, one you may in fact not want to get out of. Your inability to make the situation into exactly what you want makes you suffer. [click to continue…]